Thank you all for your kind responses.  

I wanted to update a bit on my story – yesterday I had to have an ultrasound of my leg due to a painful lump that has formed on my calf.  I have also been having some intense abdominal pain and swelling in my lower right quadrant.  So, this morning, I had an abdominal/pelvic CT scan.  The ultrasound did not indicate any cause for concern (i.e. blood clots, masses, etc.) and I am hoping to know the results of the CT scan by the end of the day today.  

I had a bit of a meltdown during and after the CT.   I have prided myself so much on being strong, but I am finding myself getting wearier and wearier and it frustrates me.  For the CT, I had to have IV contrast.  Unfortunately for me, I have tiny, very deep veins and hardly ever get an IV on the first stick.  When I was in the hospital after my radical cystectomy, my arms were literally black and blue.  I looked like I had been assaulted.  Three of my IV’s had blown, the back of one of my arms was filled with fluid, and each day I had to have blood drawn which meant numerous attempts and more blown veins.  My nurses and lab techs were really insensitive too – It was horrible and very painful.  I am 10 weeks post op and still have hematoma in my right arm in several locations.  So, needless to say, I was really dreading the IV today.  It took three sticks by the IV team!  I got very nervous and started crying, shaking and had trouble breathing.  The first IV pump didn’t work and as a result the contrast blew out of the IV and all over my arm and in my hair…. and once the contrast did start flowing, I ended up having a reaction either from the itand/or from stress and vomited.  I was so embarrassed.  

When the scan was done, I went out in the hall and just lost it.  The thought of having to go through this over and over is overwhelming.  How do you cope with the fear and anxiety of having the tests, much less getting bad news again?   :'(