waiting to hear

Well another day, another chance to feel physically sick that we don’t know.

I’ve spent the day today finding myself wondering if the worst comes to worst how wil my wife Clare cope and how will our 2 and a 1/2 year old daughter cope. I keep telling myself that I don’t need to be thinking like this yet but I find it hard not to.

I find it difficult to talk to Clare about how i’m feeling, she worries about everything and lets herself get stressed, as such I haven’t realy told her the extent of my fears and what the test are realy looking for.

I keep trying to convince her that it’ll turn out to be a congenital defect or similar, I don’t know if she believes me, she knows that during the last tests the consultant did a biopsy and isn’t stupid, I think she suspects and will work it out.

I don’t know why i’m finding it hard today, maybe because i’ve spent most of the day looking after our daughter, I look at her and think about leaving her, I feel like I want to cry. It’s silly feeling like this considering that I don’t realy know anything yet, this could still turn out to be nothing to worry about.

alexfacey Author